Xiaomi and the 1548 Horses That Weren’t Allowed to Run – Until the People Got Angry

Xiaomi is a company that makes everything from electric toothbrushes to smart frying pans and power banks. And if you believe the tin foil hat brigade, there’s a comrade major sitting in some office who knows exactly how well you brushed your teeth using their products. But recently, the brand decided to go off-script. Not just off-script—off the planet. They built a car. Not just a car, mind you, but the car: the SU7, followed by its maniacal big brother, the SU7 Ultra. A machine so fast it makes mere logic feel like a fax machine in a world of warp drives. 0 to 100 km/h in 1.97 seconds. That’s not acceleration. That’s teleportation.

And then something bizarre happened. Xiaomi looked upon its thunderous creation and, in a moment of pure risk-aversion, muttered: “Maybe we shouldn’t let it actually... go that fast?” So, the company did what only a tech firm with control issues would do: they shackled the beast. Not with gentle warnings like “Drive responsibly.” No. They gutted its peak output from a face-melting 1548 horsepower to a neutered 900. That’s like buying a pizza and being told you’re only allowed to nibble the crust.

It gets worse. To unlock the full performance, new owners had to prove themselves. Not metaphorically—literally. Either complete a qualifying lap on an officially approved race track or log 300 km of “training” mileage. As for Launch Control? Oh, that would only engage after a full 60-second delay. Picture this: you're at a red light, foot braced on the pedal, everything ready to launch… and you just sit there. Waiting. For a minute. Taxi drivers are honking behind you while you stare blankly ahead like a space shuttle that forgot to refuel.

Unsurprisingly, people were not amused. You fork over more than half a million yuan—north of six million rubles!—and the carmaker tells you, “Whoa there, cowboy, you’re not ready.” Naturally, backlash erupted. And Xiaomi—God bless their PR team—blinked.

Enter software version 1.7.0. Now, the promise is clear: all 1548 horses will gallop the moment you twist the key (or, more accurately, swipe your finger across a screen). No yoga retreat. No Nürburgring baptism. Just raw, unapologetic speed.

So now, behold the reborn SU7 Ultra: a tri-motor monster with 1770 Nm of torque, a wind-cheating body, and a solemn vow from its creators that next time, if they say it’s 1548 horses, it damn well won’t show up with 900 in the trailer.

Hospitals, we hear, are preparing their software updates as well.