Koenigsegg Set a New Speed Record That Officially Counts for Nothing

If anyone still doubted that the Swedes could do anything beyond IKEA and ABBA, then behold — the Koenigsegg Jesko Absolut. A car that rockets forward like a poorly structured legal paragraph and sounds like Thor with a hangover. And now, this glacially precise manifestation of engineering has done something that’s made even the Hennessey Venom F5 scratch its carbon-fibre scalp — it hit 359.83 km/h over just half a mile.

The Jesko Absolut is not some NASA test capsule or a SpaceX prototype — it’s a production car with a chassis number that, in theory, could be parked next to your mum’s hatchback at the supermarket. But instead, it blasted down 800 metres like a possessed Northern Light, leaving behind nothing but tyre smoke and an existential crisis for every other hypercar on the planet.

Because no independent timing officials were invited to witness the run, the record is currently as official as a Friday night pub story — but that does absolutely nothing to change the fact that the Jesko Absolut is blisteringly, ludicrously fast.